Day 17: One Column

WARNING: This is my journey of seeking the Lord and what he is doing to me. It is not about you, I’m sorry. These are honest thoughts from a heart needing God. I’m not going to be churchy or politically correct about myself and beliefs. If you are unable to deal with that, please don’t read this. Move on; it’s cool. Also, I was warned not to speak the truth on certain subjects as some folks may not want to have anything to do with me afterward, labeling me ‘radical’. Well, I don’t believe that. I believe that there are good folks who want truth regardless of how popular it is. I don’t mind being radical if that radicalizes my love for God and Others. I welcome comments and rebuke. Help me find truth.

Acts 17:10-12

¹⁰ The brothers immediately sent Paul and Silas away by night to Berea, and when they arrived they went into the Jewish synagogue. ¹¹Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so. ¹² Many of them therefore believed, with not a few Greek women of high standing as well as men.

This morning I got up and headed to my beloved couch to spend a few minutes seeking the Lord before the day started. I really am useless without Him, honestly. I sat down and made the mistake of grabbing my computer before I hit my knees. For me the computer and technology can be the biggest distraction from seeking God. I know better. Even if I am going to use the computer to search the scriptures it is best if I hit my knees first. But I didn’t. Instead I went to a website to listen to a preacher. I started the sermon, set the computer aside, and set my bible in my lap.

I love my new bible. I bought it just a few months back after quite a search for the perfect one. I remember somewhere along the way I asked myself a question: ‘Why do all bibles have two columns on each page?’ I love reading books and figured it would be easier for me to read a Bible set out like a book. This thought led me to Lifeway.

“Excuse me sir, do you have any one column bibles?” I asked.

The young man looked through the entire shelf; none could be found. Agitated, I went home and searched Amazon. There were a few, but very few at this time. Well this got my mind going again. Why exactly do we have two column bibles? Who started this madness anyway? If that’s your cup of tea, drink it bountifully, but me, I was curious. A few webpages later I realized that there were two reasons for the two columns. 1) It saves money for the publishers. I get this. Psalms is poetry so each line must be set on it’s own. With two columns you can get MUCH more on fewer pages. Psalms is HUGE, but then there’s Proverbs, Song of Solomon, Ecclesiastes, and most of the Prophets – all poetry. 2) Tradition. The original KJV (from my understanding) was done in two columns so naturally we have been following that ever since. That’s cool I guess. It sets the bible apart, but it also sets it in the hard to read pile.

Well those reasons were not enough for me. I wanted a one column because it just makes more sense to me. A month or so later I went back to Lifeway.

“Do you have any one column bibles?” I asked.

“Sure do! Come over here and pick out one. I like this translation because…”

I walked out a few minutes later with a new one column bible. Honestly, I LOVE it. It is much easier for me to read. But what happened in such a short time? I think the answer is deeper than this one instance. Lifeway is a business. They operate to make profit by selling worthwhile material to Christians to help them grow. That is awesome, and I have no issues with it; but that means as demand for something rises, they will order more of it. Seems to me, and I could be wrong, that there are more people than just me asking for one columns. What does this mean? It means people are asking themselves a simple question, ‘Why is it like this? Does this make sense? Why do we do it this way?’ Seems to me that people are being moved upon by the Spirit of God to seek the truth rather than tradition. I like that. Those questions are gold.

“Your blessing is connected to you being connected to the man of God!” said the voice from my laptop. “You can not be blessed and favored if you disconnect yourself from the man of God!”

My spirit did a kicking back flip. What? I know this man, a good guy, why would he say such a thing. Listen, the bible tells us to listen and obey (better translation is not to give a hard time – Hebrews 13:17) those who lead us in the church. We don’t need a bunch of rebellion running around, BUT those who would be our leaders must be the biggest servants (Matthew 23:11). If they are not they are not worthy of our following. We as ministers must lay down our lives for the sheep just like the good shepherd (John 10:11). We must wash their feet (John 13), leave our comforts for there protection and salvation (John 20:21), and protect them from sneaky deceits of men like this (Ephesians 4:11-13 – Ephesians 4:14-16). We are not to Lord over them like the system of the world (Matthew 20:25-26), but lead by serving. NEVER demanding honor (Matthew 23:8-10) (although we as Christians should give double honor to those who direct the affairs of the church [little c - local church] especially those who work HARD at preaching and teaching – 1 Timothy 5:17) but that is on us, not those to demand it.

NO ONE stands between us and God but Jesus. The veil was ripped dude (Matthew 27:51), the doors have been flung open, we now can approach God ourselves (Hebrews 4:16) because of what Jesus did. Study it out, the very fact that we can be filled with the Spirit (Acts 2) PROVES no one is between God and the believer. My favor and blessing comes from my relationship with and obedience to the great God who sent Jesus so we could be free; not to my obedience to you and your ideas. Those who serve the Lord by working in our ministry should respect and listen to me in the affairs of what we do because I’m the leader, but they will not be blessed because they are connected to me. They will be blessed because they obey God. If God tells them to work under us then they should obey. If God tells them to leave they better obey.

I am not the head of the Church. A pastor may lead a local church, but he is not the head. There is ONE head. His name is Jesus (Ephesians 5:23). Nowhere in that scripture is minister mentioned.

So why did this good man say these things? It’s because it is popular tradition these days, especially when finances are rough for many folks. It started WAY back but was revamped in the 70s when rebellion was running wild. The attempt was to curve the rebellion, but many overstepped and fell right off the edges of scripture. If the leader doesn’t serve with honor, he doesn’t deserve honor. The priest in the old testament were decked out in fancy clothes laced with jewels, but they spent all day taking those off and getting covered with blood. They stank at the end of the day from the burnt flesh and hair from administering the sacrifices for the people. Now, through Christ we don’t need someone to administer our sacrifice, but we as ministers must still be willing to get dirty for the good of those that follow us. We can’t take honor without the sacrifice, just like the Levites (Deuteronomy 18:1-2). We can’t lead people to somewhere we’ve never been. It is dishonorable to ask someone to go somewhere you are unwilling to go yourself. That is why Jesus came to us then sent us to the world. He is the ULTIMATE leader; the leader by example.

This good man said something because someone taught to Him when he was younger and someone taught it to Him when he was younger, but it is un-scriptural tradition that these days does tons of damage. This man may have a pure heart, but the next man does not perhaps, and if God leads that person who believes these things elsewhere to another part of the Church (big c – The Worldwide Body of Believers) or they stray for a while and are abused because they believed such non-sense then we have added to there hurt. To think that some might gloat at the poor souls pain. “I told them so.” Sick.

Just as I wondered why we have two columns, I think we, like those in the scripture above, had better start searching the scripture to see if these things are SO. If you can’t find it (without a missing link) in the new testament (especially Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John – not to discount the rest but we only understand properly when we filter it through Jesus), then we better start asking ourselves why there are two columns.

Our blessing IS connected to our connection to THE MAN of God, JESUS. There in ONLY ONE church, with many small divisions. No one stand between you and God but Jesus.

Be careful not to get too judgmental. We all believe some lies because we have been told to. This is important, listen close. Don’t accept assumption, but love those who make them.

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Day 15: Standing in Eternity

Zechariah 4:12-13

¹²And a second time I answered and said to him, “What are these^(W) two branches of the olive trees, which are beside the two golden pipes from which the golden oil^[a] is poured out?” ¹³He said to me,^(X) “Do you not know what these are?” I said, “No, my lord.” ¹⁴Then he said,^(Y) “These are the two anointed ones^[b] who stand by^(Z) the Lord of the whole earth.”

Today is Monday. On the road, preaching the Gospel, Monday means little, but here it means back to the long hours of editing footage from our first missionary journey, raising lots of money, and preparing tons of teachings that will help people understand how important they are to God and to this suffering world. We’re on a deadline too. We are about to get our plane tickets for September, locking us into a certain departure date for our next missions journey and our move to Thailand. So Monday means work, but it’s not like it used to be.

I remember back in the day when I worked for an I.T. firm on the Gulf Coast of Mississippi. Every Friday when the clock struck five my friend Nick and I would play “Eye of the Tiger” and imagine ourselves running down the stairs of the office, busting out of the doors, and throwing our hands high in the air like Rocky. We had knocked out another week. We were victorious. Then Monday came, and we were trying to get ourselves motivated for another round. We were to spend our time making websites for other people while we dreamed of better things. It was fine for a while, then one day the Lord spoke to me and told me to go on a missions trip to Indonesia. After that, I hated being there, even on Friday. It seemed with every tick tock of the time clock I got more and more discontent with my life. Before long I had to kick myself to be sure my work wouldn’t suffer. I was reading wikipedia all the time: ‘The Culture of Indonesia’, ‘How to Live in Indonesia on a Budget.’

I was a mess. Then the day came and off I went. I had the time of my life and helped a ton of people. I learned that life wasn’t about survival, but abundant living in love for god and others. This is where God was leading me, to the broken, and where his presence is is where there is fullness of joys. (Psalms 16:11). Coming home it was working in a church, which was better until it became a mostly office job. I recall one day I was sitting there, the Lord already pulling me back to the mission field. I was listening to the meetings in the office next to mine and feeling SO fed up. Nothing they were doing, it was all about what we had become. The ink color of meetings had been spilled all over my calendar. I’d go be with the youth, preach my heart out, spend time with them, have a summer internship, and it was great, but then it was back to the meeting room. Yay. I sat there that day and just wanted to win someone to the Lord for myself. I wanted to share the Gospel in an organic way for goodness sake. We were leading people to know the Lord but all of us who were Pastors at one time know the truth, even if we don’t always say it: The credit for such salvation goes to Christ first, then the friend who invited them to come to church in the first place, then the grandmother who has been praying for them, then the person who spoke to them to make them feel comfortable. We just get up there and preach the simplest, yet most powerful message. The message is s powerful it could be delivered by someone who with B.O., a stuttering problem, and bad motives and peoples lives would be changed. It is the Gospel, the power of salvation for ALL men. We really aren’t that amazing. You brought them to hear it, we do the easy part. Now that’s honest.

So I stood up that day and walked right out of the office. Down the stairs I trotted. Out the locked doors. Right onto the streets. We were in the neighborhood most dodge; I loved it. There, standing by the church was a man with a slight limp (not on purpose).

“Hey, how ya doin man?” I asked in my best street slur.

“I’m aight.”

“Cool. I’m Dustan, nice to meet you. I work at this church.”

“That’s cool. I’m ______.”

“Hey man, can i ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Has anyone, like a pastor or anyone ever say down with you and just explained the Gospel? I mean like what it means when we say Jesus died for you so you could be saved? Ever wonder why we need to be saved and why God’s so mad?”

“Nah, I don’t think anyone’s ever really explained. I mean i been to church.”

“Yeah me to,” I said as we laughed. “But I just wonder if you’d like me to explain it where it will make sense. I know you heard this stuff. This is Mississippi.”

“Yeah sure.”

“Cool, come on in.”

We came in. Sat down. Had a fun conversation. Thirty minutes later a new man walked out of the office. Clean and set on the path of a new life. It was awesome.

Only months later Darlene and I stepped on a plane to find more people who had never heard. We spent fourteen months surrounded millions of people just like the friend I met on the street.

When I was reading this scripture this morning it really jumped out at me. I had the normal questions, who are these two guys standing besides the Lord, are they the two witnesses? I have my solid opinions about these things, but that was not what was getting to me. It was that they were standing BESIDES the Lord of the whole Earth. They stood there, aligned with Him and his purpose. They were shoulder to shoulder with Christ (whom took Adams place as Lord of the Earth), in perfect agreement with their King. In my minds eyes I see Aragorn leading the march with Gimli and Legolas at his heels. That’s where I want to be. On his side, where he is. When I die I want to be able to stand next to Christ knowing that my loyalties were to Him and His purpose of loving the lost, leaving the 99 for the one lost sheep, going to a people who can do nothing to pay him back in order to see them saved. I want what I have done to stand in eternity because it honors the noble heart of eternity’s master.

These mondays are still Mondays. But after I beat my flesh I know I am no longer working just to survive. I’m not living to work, I am working to live. I am alive like never before because I AM doing what I was meant to do. His dreams over time became my desires, and now he is giving these desires into my heart (Psalms 37:4). It’s as my U.K. friends would say, “Brilliant.” Most of us want to do something of value but a million factors keep us from chasing the dreams the Lord has put in our heart. Each of us have different desires, but those who have let the Lord mold them, those desires are the hint of our God given purpose. It takes courage. But in the end, are we doing anything that will matter when we stand beside Jesus, the one who gave his all for our rescue? Better make it count. Better live today.

Just some thoughts to ponder. I’ll leave you with one last sentence as I head off to start work. Remember these next words for God spoke them to me and they changed my life forever.

Life is a vapor. Here one day, gone the next.

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Day 12: The Next Step

Romans 8:13-14

¹³For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live, ¹⁴because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.

Another day to be alive, and yet so many things are different today than the day before. My morning started out a bit later than the days before, 30 minutes or so, because I got to bed a bit too late last night. Come on Dustan, Discipline!

Seated on the couch I recalled the day before.

*Insert Flashback Here*

“Lord, When do we move out of this temporary base. Where do we move to to be near family before we head out again? How do I pay these bills?”

Suddenly I felt the Lord leading us back towards Bogue Chitto (Bo-ga Chit-a), where my family lives. My brother just moved out of his home into one that he was blessed with, and his old home is in my favorite place on my Parent’s property. It would be a separate place, but in walking distance through my old friends, the tree of the property I grew up in. Darlene the night before had felt this rush of emotion and a leading of the spirit to consider moving. At first it seemed like the normal feelings wives of people like me have. “We need Roots,” which is totally understandable, but sometimes not so easy when you are called to be and do what we are called to be and do. Our roots are in the ground which the Lord tells us to stop on. We’re Ints. But, now it didn’t seem like such. It was strange. The Lord had led us to this rental home as our base. He used it to connect us to our new Church here. We were able to encourage and bless quite a few folks, and do some MUCH needed work. It has been great, but why? Why so soon? Yes, yes. We only have 5-6 months before we are leaving the country. I see. The bills here are unreasonable (not rent, the utilities). And we need somewhere that when we visit the USA to itinerate we will be able to be close to family and so future grand-kids can be close to MoMo and PawPaw.

Ok Lord, I see. When?

“Get ready.”

“Yes Lord.” I guess that means a few months. “Thanks for preparing us. We’ll go wherever you lead. Again.”

We’re nomads for Jesus. It’s an exciting life. Everything we are doing in our personal life and ministry is in preparation for a more prosperous and fruitful future. We’re plowing the ground, planting the seeds. Harvest is coming.

— A FEW HOURS LATER —

Knock. Knock. Who’s there? A potential buyer.

Now WE are not selling this place. Our land lord, and nice lady named Sandy, has been so flexible and kind towards us. Before, the house wasn’t selling so she decided to rent it to us with no lease. Perfect for us. A provision of God. We in turn told her that if she had the chance to sell, let us know. We would work with her so she wouldn’t miss her chance. She even gave us first chance. The Lord did not lead us to buy.

The potential buyer guy walks in with the realtor. He looks around. Checks the floor plan. Smiles.

“So when are you guys leaving for another missions trip?” he ask.

“September, but if you are interested in buying we can move out sooner. Sandy has been great to us.”

“Now I don’t wanna put you out, but I only have money available for a short time. I’d like to buy it, but if I can;t get it soon, I’ll have to go elsewhere and Sandy is a good friend of mine.”

“No, no. We can be out as soon as the week after Easter.”

“Really? That’s really quick. You sure?”

“Yes sir. We have somewhere to go. Buy this place.” We did have somewhere to go. God had told us the next step a few hours before in our quiet time. HE knew this was coming and was trying to prepare us. He had a better plan for us. Our job here was done. Moving on to new pastures. Nomads.

“Well thanks guys. That’s really great. Good deal.”

He shook my hand and walked out. I looked at Darlene.

“Amazing. I mean the Lord never leaves us in the dark when we seek him and learn to listen to that still small voice.”

“I know,” she replied. “I mean he moved on my heart LAST NIGHT for us to get ready to leave.”

*End Flashback*

Often, and very often, the only leading we are going to get is the leading of the next step. God WILL show us a glimpse of what is to come, but for our sakes he golds back the turn by turn google directions so that we don’t run a stop light and get smashed by circumstances that we, as mortal men, had NO idea about.

When we were in Laos the Lord put on Darlene and my own heart to go to a CERTAIN village in the mountains. We tried to get a bus and go the famous Southeast Asian answer; “Can Not.” It burns us Americans to the bone to think something is impossible. But hey, these are the locals. Rule of thumb: “LISTEN TO THEM.” But still the Lord wouldn’t let us stop. He was pushing us forwards every time we prayed. Finally, in a last attempt we felt we should catch a bus to the middle of NO WHERE in hope to catch a motorcycle or truck into the village. The roads we’re washed out; rainy season.

We took the next step. Went to that town when we felt we should. When we arrived, we bumped into two young ladies. We said the name of the town. They smiled, looked confused, and in sign language told us that they were from that very village. We could come with them. They had been there for only a few minutes, and had come to buy supplies, but we’re headed back. We had arrived JUST in time to the RIGHT place. Long story short, 7 long motored canoe hours later we arrived in the village in pitch black dark. The next morning we took the next step; find a translator. We looked and looked with no luck, then we sat down at the perfect little eating stall. A man walked up.

“Hello. Where are you from?” He was a police officer. He offered to be our guide and translator. He had had a Christian friend in school in the capital once. He liked him, so he like us. Once again, perfect timing, perfect person with the authority to take us back to the villages. We went, preached, prayed, and saw the Lord show his love to the villagers.

The next step is all we need. As God is leading us and preparing us, he will lead and prepare you. Trust me, he doesn’t want you stumbling around in the dark. As his adopted child you have the right to his guidance, and he will freely give it. Whatever the next step is, find courage, and take it.

Now to pack up and move. Wonder what’s next?

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Day 11: Fan into Flame

2 Timothy 1:6

For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands,

It is nice to have spring sneaking in again. My body has been in full protest against the cold weather since we came to the U.S. After so long in the tropical climate of Southeast Asia, I no longer wish to endure more than a few months of cold floors. To make things even more fun, in the United States our power bills have been going up, up, up. For example our temporary base cost $150 a month to heat and cool last year, now it cost $250. Insane. Seems people are attempting to keep worldly profits amongst the depression of the world’s economy by forcing new fees on their customers, whom rally have not choice.

That’s call oppression of the poor. It’s not only in Africa.

Anyway, because spring is here I was able to sit on our porch this morning and have a talk with God. Seems the mornings are so good to pray because of clarity. For a brief few minutes, sometimes, there is no noise clanging around inside of my head. It’s brief, as the day and it’s troubles will come banging around soon enough. It’s like I’m stepping off of an airplane in a foreign country and here a nice ding then, “Welcome to Fallen Earth.” But still, when they do, and they blow freezing air into my face, there is something I am learning to do back. Listen, thoughts come, it’s up to US to take them captive (2 Corinthians 10:5). Sure, we shouldn’t still think the way we once did; we should be making progress, but everyone has to put their thoughts in a headlock and force them to obey the Christ. If you don’t think that’s true for you, well please forgive me, I still do.

The thing I have learn to do is as simple as imaging put a towel through your ears, down through you mouth, and pulling it back and forth. It is the washing of the mind (Ephesians 5:26), like cleaning a dirty pipe. I’ve got to get incorrect thoughts out of my head somehow, and well what better way? No, don’t go sticking a rag in your ear. The washing I am talking about is the Word. I simply say it, hear it, say it again, until it gets into my heart and begins to overcome the worry. We shouldn’t let the spirit of fear kick us around, we have power to deal with it (2 Timothy 1:7). Sometimes we have to stir ourselves up, blow on the dimming coals, and reignite the gift God has put inside of us. We must be on fire to help others who are freezing to death, that’s why we were rescued and sent, to rescue for goodness sake. If we are always on defense we will not score.

So this morning, on my porch, as I talked to the Lord about a few decisions (When do we move out of this temporary base. Where do we move to to be near family before we head out again? How do I pay these bills?) I shook my head hard and opened my mouth.

“MY God SHALL supply ALL of my needs according to his riches in Glory in Christ Jesus! I AM kept in PERFECT PEACE. NO Weapon formed against me SHALL prosper. God has Good plans for me, to give us a Hope, and a GREAT Future. Whom shall I fear? Whom Shall I be afraid, for the LORD is my shield and my strength. HE is my strong tower!’

I rolled my shoulders. That feels better. Let’s keep going, I feel a slight warmth in my spirit.

“I shall fulfill all the will of God for my generation! The Lord leads me because I am His son, I am LED by the spirit of God. He gives me the ability to attain wealth, and with His blessing the wealth comes with NO sorrow. I can do ALL things through Christ. I am content in every situation!”

Oh yeah. There’s the flame.

“Today I will walk, talk, and be the LIGHT of the this World. I am full of flavor. Pure. Ready for every good work! I am ready! I ask for Wisdom Father, and I know you give it freely! I have wisdom is ministry, business, and so on and am able to HONOR God and be productive in every area of my life! I am redeemed from the curse of the LAW. NO SICKNESS, NO WORRY, NO DEFEAT. I am TRULY FREE, NO CHAINS ON ME, cause of what JESUS has done! I am able to out run a chariot, push over a building, leap a wall, walk on water, and part a sea as LONG as the Lord is pleased with and empowering me! It’s not by my might or my strength but by the SPIRIT of the LORD! AHHHHH!!!!!! I am a warrior of the Lord, bringing freedom to CAPTIVES, SIGHT TO THE BLIND, in an honorable and LOVING way!

“I AM A REVOLUTIONARY!”

Today, wash out between your ears, fan into flame the gift in you, and prepare yourself for the day.By the way, you need to get these scriptures in your heart before they can come out of your mouth. Read your word. As long as we get out light from this small sun, there will be winter breezes. But one day the Lion, the true Son will arrive, and the winter will cease. Praise God!

I’m off to cease this day.

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March 24th Update

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Day 10: The Dawn

Mark 1
³⁵ Before daybreak the next morning, Jesus got up and went out to an isolated place to pray. ³⁶ Later Simon and the others went out to find him. ³⁷ When they found him, they said, “Everyone is looking for you.”

This morning I woke just before Rosey Fingered Dawn etched her name across the sky. Her master, my Father and your Father, was beckoning me.

“Come away with me.” I complied. Last night I forced my body to obey me and went to bed a few hours earlier. I will not be a night-owl, the days are growing short and thus their value is increasing like the rare jewels that they are. Tomorrow is too important to sleep any more than what is healthy.

I sat on the couch and watched the light grow inside the fog of the Mississippi morning and I thought about Jesus rising early to pray.

“Good morning Lord,” I said, “it’s nice to be here where there’s no noise.”

The birds chirped. The clock tocked. The light slip through the open curtains and lit up the room just enough.

This was easy. Nor formula. Nothing. I just sat on the couch, honored God as God, then talked to Him like the Friend and Father that he is.

“Ya know, I don’t know which direction I should go about submitting my book.”

A peace filled my heart about one particular method. When I thought about the other the peace tightened up like a man bracing for a blow.

“Oh ok, and what about these money issues. What should I do here? I’m working hard everyday, doing my part. I know you will and have supplied all of my needs according to your riches in Glory through Christ Jesus. Please give me wisdom as you have promised you would.”

A new thought came into my heart and finally reached my head. I just needed to communicate to our awesome partners in a certain way. There were some people who want to be involved, but like the rest of us, are trying to be sure they are hearing from the Lord.

“Wow Lord, this is nice. Such clear communication. No distractions. I love this straight answer stuff. So…” I grinned. “How do I get ten million dollars?”

I almost thought I heard a chuckle.

Honestly I wonder how many times in my life I have struggled and struggled to make something work when all I needed to do was pull away while my mind was empty of the days worries and seek the Lord. These days, it seems I can’t make any big decisions without praying about it. Sometimes I feel it’s up to me to decide. Other times, I feel the Lord drawing me in a certain direction. Regardless, I have to bring it before Him because my little brain does not know enough on it’s on. As a friend of mine (Pastor Joel Simms – Word of Life – Jackson, MS) says: “There are some decisions that you will never have enough information to make.” That’s true. This world is full or variables. Better ask someone who knows the value of each. We need is grace and empowerment to carry us. On our own the castles we build crumble.

After a few minutes the room was lit and I heard my beautiful bride stirring in our bedroom.

“Lord, I love you. Thank you for waking me,” I whispered. “You know what; I want to be like Jesus. Just like Jesus. Loving people with all I have, leaving everything for the sake of the suffering and lost. I want to take up for the oppressed and lay down my life for those who are helpless are their own. I want to get my strength to do so from You Father.”

You know, I’ve never once heard an audible voice (except one time when i was six asleep – could have been a dream. Who knows.) from the Lord. But he speaks none the less. Our minds are fickle and must be reprogrammed by the word, but when in prayer, we can trust to be led by the Spirit of God in our deepest part of who we are. The real us; our Spirit.

Like me, why don’t you pull away and ask god some hard questions. Then relax. Chill. Don’t stress yourself out thinking so hard. Take a few deep breaths and meditate on how much God loves you and wants to lead you. Then, in your heart, not with your ears, LISTEN. Something new my dawn inside of your heart that will change your life forever.

Here’s a GREAT book on the subject. But a $0.01 cent used copy. It will help.

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Day 8: Fuel to Endure

John 20:17

¹⁷ “Don’t cling to me,” Jesus said, “for I haven’t yet ascended to the Father. But go find my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”

Waking up fresh is one of my favorite times of the day. I am morning person. Usually the day holds so much promise of good things that I’m quite annoying to Darlene, who although she thinks the same, would rather let the day ripen a bit more. This morning I made my way to the couch, my more comfortable meeting place with the Lord.

The last few weeks, although we have not slowed a bit, have been a bit of a tough time. We’ve already talked about it, but I noticed yesterday that these things do more damage than we think. For example: The Lord is continually speaking to our hearts (not in an audible voice) that we need to include Nepal on our next trip. Since he began speaking this the Nepalese flag that hangs just next to the projection screen in the local church we are attending here in Hattiesburg has haunted me. I look up to read the words for the song and there’s the flag beckoning me. Three flag over in the flag of our beloved India, and directly overhead is the flag of Cambodia. When I see that last one flashes of a map, and a place our Master is calling us to go flashes through my mind with all the drama of an additive dissolve. But as much as these flags still speak to me, since the last week, their voice is a little less sharp than before.

“Sweet heart,” I said to Darlene, “something has happened to me. My heart, I’ve got to bring it to the Lord again. It has been damaged.”

Hope differed makes the heart sick and nothing causes more heartache than religious silliness.

So this morning here I was, handing my heart to God again.

“Fix it.”

Suddenly I was reminded of the cross of Christ. I opened to the latter part of John and read. He was betrayed. He was arrested. Crucified. Buried. Risen from the dead. Then he showed himself to his disciples. Almost all of them had tucked tail and ran when he allowed himself to be arrested.

I leaned back to meditate on what I was reading.

“What is it Lord?”

In my mind’s eye I could see Jesus enduring the pain of betrayal, manipulation. He took the whipping. He pushed through the pain of the nails tearing open his skin. He didn’t take the offense of only one of his disciples being there in his worse time.He didn’t curse the Pharisees as they mocked him. He didn’t cause the earth to open and kill the whole world. He endured. And in the end, there he is, cooking lunch on the side of the seashore for those that hurt him. His spirits were up. He wasn’t damaged in heart.

“How did Jesus keep his heart soft even though it had been burned so?”

It hit me. Love. Jesus’ focused on reuniting fallen men with God. The first message he sent was a bit of proclamation.

“Go tell my brothers that I ascending to my Father and their Father, to my God and their God!”

It was almost like he was thrilled to deliver the news. You are now children of God because I have been raised!

“Yes Lord,” I said. In my minds eye I pictured the Nepalese flag. Ouch. What was that? Yes. It was Love for people, that painful love that makes you endure whatever much be taken in order to share the Love, Hope, & Faith that we have through Christ. Even now as I write this at my studio desk I just rolled over to our world map. The countries whisper to me. “Come over here and help us.”

Coming down to it., the only way to protect a heart from such pain is to focus on the Love God has for people. Like Christ we must get ourselves to a place that we are so focused on the Love of God for people and how that moves us into action that the arrows of the enemy simply make our mission that much more important. The pain can serve as just another reminder of how much God loves men, all men.

Love is my protection. I get pierced. I get stabbed. I get crucified. I get whipped. I get betrayed. I get abandoned. Let it come. Looking at a Hindu or Muslim friend or a witch doctor or rich doctor and saying the words, “He is now My Father and Your Father, my God and Your God, because of what Jesus did,” is worth any amount of pain the world can muster up and toss at us.

Faith works by love. Our shield is faith.

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Day 5: The Weight of the World

WARNING: This is my journey of seeking the Lord and what he is doing to me. It is not about you, I’m sorry. These are honest thoughts from a broken heart needing God. I’m not going to be churchy or politically correct about myself. If you are unable to deal with that, please don’t read this. Move on. It’s cool.

Matthew 11:28-30
²⁸ Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰ For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

So day four came and went with no blogging. The weight of the last few days finally set on me. For those who know me as missionary or writer only, well my makeup is one of mushy insides surrounded my muscled ribs so to say. I have a backbone, and shoulders, that can take a beating for sure. To do this job you must. But inside I feel lots. Poet Warrior I’d say. It usually takes me a while to realize I am stressed or tired, but the moment I really start feeling it I have pushed it too far. Last night the weight set on me and once again I had to take this burden to the couch cushions and let the Lord take them.

He did. He always will, if I let him.

I woke this morning refreshed but with things still on my mind. Not convictions today, but sadness of happenings. I gathered myself and started working on the business side of our work for the Lord. Truth is I’ve got more on my plate than I alone can carry so I have no choice but to hook myself to the stronger shoulders of God to carry the heavy load. I can’t lift this; I don’t have to. It’s his work, not mine. Light and Easy, Light and Easy. But I will admit, sometimes it takes a few times on my knees, half a Hillsong CD, and about ten scriptures repeated ten time from my lips to take my hands off of what he is trying to take. I do it though. The times things haven’t work has always been the result of me trying alone. Word to the wise: it doesn’t work. I’ve got a book I’m rewriting (my attempt to accomplish yet another dream and to not have to be on payroll from the ministry), a ministry we’re building (which is everything that’s important to Darlene and I), a family that I’m about to say goodbye to again, new bills, and the confusion of giving everything away for the third time to move to a new country away from my familiar surrounding, and last but MOST the show we’re editing. These are the things the Lord has to help me carry, then i have to stack on top of that pile the words of people that are heavier than the ocean if your not careful.

But this is day 5. Where I learn something new.

Cast it your cares upon the Lord. He will lead us into perfect peace. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. It’s not by my might or power, but by the Spirit of the Lord. I will never put more on you than you can handle. Come to me, you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest, take my yoke upon you and learn from me. Sit back and watch the LORD fight your battles. I will bless all the work of your hands. You will be fruitful in every season if you meditate and remain in my word and my love. Chill Dustan, let me handle it. It’s too much for you, don’t hurt yourself tring to do a concentration curl with the weight of the world.

Truth remains. We, and I include you here because I fell you need to hear this, WE CANNOT CARRY OUR LOADS ALONE. This world is fallen, messed up, and it’s weight it too much. We must get on out knees and spill our guys telling God how we can NOT do it without Him. Ask for help you American. I know it’s hard, but WE must. We’re not so independent as you think.

One of the main things about being set apart is realizing that you need God. It is a prerequisite. Don’t you love it. This upside down Kingdom we are a part of. Give to receive, die to live, admit weakness to get strength. Leave everything to gain everything.

“Dear Lord, I know you are the key to doing the impossible things. I need you. Show me how strong you are through my weaknesses. You Alone are my strenght. YOu alone are my world. I love you Father, my ONLY spiritual Father, my only TEACHER, my ONLY master. Thanks for EVERYTHING!”

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Day 3: The Hard Part

²⁰In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. ²¹If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work. ²²Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. – 2 Timothy 2:20-22

Today was heart wrenching and exhilarating at the same time. Sadly, my day of seeking the Lord was interrupted. To be honest, this change of heart that the Lord is putting me through is intense. I’m not sure than I should even write on here for the world to see, but the Christian leader has to lead in honesty as well as other things. Us men of God are not excellent people, we are just people. Any honest preacher will tell you this. I could easily join the ranks of those who act as if everything is perfect all the time, but I would be a liar.

Momma didn’t raise a liar.

Coming home has been such a tough adjustment. We really don’t fit very much at all. We see, hear, and understand everything so differently than before. A trip on the ground around the world, living with the regular people of the developing unreached world, changes you; period. We arrived and from the second day until this moment we have been trying to adjust to this country again. The atmosphere seems different, or is that just me? I no longer believe everything I’m told. My entire trip was spent in Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John trying to get to know Jesus. He has messed everything up with his pure motives, true honor, and courage. I’m glad he has mixed it all up. But now, some people I once admired I can hardly stand to sit in the same room with.

Now for those pastors reading this. Please, be sensitive to this next part and read it all the way through, as it is honest about my struggle. For a long time after coming back an anger grew in my heart towards many that promised many things but kept none. I would listen, call, and write. trying to follow up on promised given to us. Almost every attempt to follow up was ignored and shunned. Even some who answered the phone called back to change their minds. How could you promise, then avoid us? How could you give no care for your word?

Anger it was at first. Then, it turned into one of the most poisonous things on this planet: a bitter heart.

I pulled away from Pastors, disengaged from the churchy culture, and begin to make plans to build the work of the Lord from the many positive individuals that have partnered with Revolutionary Life over the past years. Quitting is not an option. There are TOO MANY hurting and un-reached. I have no choice. Now, that I have seen I am responsible. But , I figured I’d let the churches here in the USA do their thing, and I’d focus on the Kingdom of God as a whole and the lost. In some ways I still will focus on the Kingdom rather than a local church, but my thinking was wrong. After a few months the Lord rebuked me kindly, showed me my errors, and exposed the trap of the enemy I was falling into. It was at the meeting of a televangelist.

I heard Jesse Duplantis teach on how the Lord’s goal is always redemption from the parable of the prodigal son. The Father in the story was excellent at being a father, but the brothers were terrible at being brothers. The father loved both boys, just the older didn’t like the younger very much.

“Dustan, you must be willing to walk with people, You must be willing to endure to help. Just like over there, embrace your culture and help bring redemption to it.”

“But Lord, I get so angry.”

Silence. I know what that means: ‘Listen to yourself.’

“I know, I know.”

I was wrong. I admit it. There are AMAZING pastors and local churches in this world. I should have NEVER disengaged. I should have been a better brother. What sense does it make to write someone off because of the same ignorance I had two years ago. Most haven’t seen what we’ve seen. They haven’t heard the complaints of our brethren worldwide. I am a FOOL to fall into such harsh judgment. It has been a trick of the enemy. A sneaky little ploy to once again inject pride into my heart. Disgusting.

I began to get right and the clear direction of the Lord came. We were to move to Thailand to expand the ministry. We were to give more of ourselves than ever before. Re-write the vision.Get back in the game. Things started moving. Progress. Praise God! Then today the Lord let me experience some very heartbreaking things. Things I never dreamed I’d hear come from some people mouths came flowing out in furious rapids. They were flowing at me. It was insane.

Now, I’m not saying I responded perfectly today. I did not. But I will say that I realized a few hours ago that the Lord has been doing a major work. He is fixing me daily. Where I once was angry, bitter, and disengaging, I am now more set on engaging, working with, and helping pastors from all over this great country. We are brothers, and those with an honest heart are SO valuable! They are gold. Diamonds. We need them like never before to help us take the Gospel to the ends of the earth.

If we had not come home, experienced this pain, witnessed these silly happenings then I would never had been brought through that lonely rugged path that has purified another small chamber of my proud heart. I see now that this little detour was a road named sanctification. It was one of a million detours to go. The Lord has rescued me from bitterness that would destroy. What’s thrilling about our God is that he led me here and I know that this road, where I learn to see myself honest in my flaws and learn to desire redemption rather than damnation for my silly brothers, is just another step towards being SET APART.

Lord, I want more than anything not just to be another of the thousands, but to be one truly SET APART for your Gospel. I know I must be willing to leave my old self in the past and get rid of every dishonorable thing in my heart. It’s not easy, but I want to. Please help me not have evil intent, but always, for every single person, desire redemption. Never let me flip tables over again out of anger, but rather out of Love for you, Love for the Lost, and Love for my good brothers. I know I have a million miles to go, but my feet are yours Lord. Take me. Break me. Make me. Use Me.

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Day 2: Set Apart or “1:1″

^{Romans 1:1}

¹Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God,

So this morning I woke up only slightly later than i should, gathered myself, got to the gym, and spent two miles thinking about our troubles and how good God has been. When you’ve slid out of shape it is hard to worship as you run up a 5% incline, but I tried. So many things popped through my mind. Meetings, Connecting with Pastors, Raising Funds, Bills, Training our Team Members, moving to Thailand, family, and 2 Timothy 2:20-25. I was flooded with thoughts for a while, then I was flooded with painful sweat. I’ve learned to push through pain sometimes you’ve just got to growl and little. Sounds funny, but as a man, a good YAH! can determine if you make that next step.

The verse in 2 Timothy connects me to yesterday’s verse in Romans 1:1. Paul, a slave of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the Gospel. Wow. What a description of one’s self. I bet you I read Romans 1:1 twenty times yesterday, trying to get to verse two to no avail. The words seem to hit something deep in me. I know that feeling by down. Deep calling to Deep. It’s God saying ‘STOP, don’t finish your bible reading plan, meditate on this. I have something to say to you special.’

Paul, simple enough. That was his name. But wait; wasn’t he Saul before? He straight up called himself Paul here, the NEW NAME that he adopted after becoming an apostle. Two things. First, perhaps he changed his name to reflect the NEW HIM. the old Saul was dead, Paul was here now, a new person with a new heart. I think what the Lord is telling me here is that I can not look at who I used to be, even after being a Christian. Trust me, I bet you I blew it more than you did. I’ve got to focus on the now and tomorrow. He has changed me into a new person despite of my stubbornness. The old me is dead. Leave him in the grave Dustan. Second, some people believe he changed his name from Saul to Paul the moment he was called to go to the gentiles. The reason? Saul was a JEWISH name and at that time the Jews were very much disliked in the non-Jewish world. He would not have been accepted with such a name. So what does that mean for Dustan, because what this is about is not teaching others but being set apart to God myself. It means that since I am called to the unreached and suffering I can no longer identify myself with the much hated church culture. I can’t let MYSELF, and this for me, get so caught up in the things of this world that I abandon my post for a comfortable easy position I am used to. The old Dusty is dead, now Dustan, a new man with a new heart and a new mission is at the controls.

Paul… a slave of Jesus Christ. Slave? Isn’t that abolished. Actually no. In the world slavery is still active and is still evil, but in these verses there is something special. Ever noticed that in the New Testament you see this a lot? James, a bond-servant of Christ. Jude, a salve of Christ and brother of James. Paul, a slave of Christ. When’s the last time you heard a good ole suit preacher ask you to come commit to slavery? What is interesting here is that Paul spends a lot of time talking about how we are sons and daughters of God through adoption. So which is it?

Both.

First did you know that James and Jude were Jesus’ brothers? Why didn’t they say, “James, brother of Christ” The answer, although we ARE children of God and one spirit with Jesus we must lower ourselves to our knees before King Jesus’ feet. We MAKE OURSELVES slaves out of thankfulness. You saved my life, now I owe it to you and your cause. God doesnt demand slaves he wants children, but in order to serve him and his cause best we have to lower ourselves. For me, that means this. I do, live, and say what he wants. I am his slave.

…called to be an apostle.

This one strike home to me. First, an apostle is one sent out to establish the Kingdom in unreached areas. Jesus was THE APOSTLE. The foundation was laid by his disciples. But in these days there is till apostles given to the body of Christ to expand the Kingdom of God. It took me YEARS to recognize what I was supposed to me. I was a pastor for a while, I done tons of evangelistic stuff, taught the word, moved in the prophetic, but none of those set. I dodged the word Apostle because there was a holiness attached to such a loft title. But this isn’t about titles, it’s about a job to do. I don’t think I’v some reincarnated or more holy than everyone guy. I’m Dustan with a job.

It wasn’t until I was preaching in the villages of India in the front yard of Hindu temples (not a wise choice, but we were unable to change the local contacts meeting place. This was the only open place for meetings int he city.) that I realized my calling. I am called to be one SENT OUT to lay the foundation for the KINGDOM of God in the unreached world. It’s simple, but religion and the devil has worked overtime to make missionaries feel like beggars rather than the apostles many of them truly are.

For me, God told me here that my Job and Paul’s we’re exactly the same. Darlene and I are meant to travel the world and expand the Kingdom of God in new areas. Our upcoming move to Thailand is a result of this call. What a privilege to share in the same calling as Paul! Wow. The next things is that I noticed that Paul said he was called. In other words it was from God, and was something that he was striving to fulfill rather than a claim to fame.

I’m not an apostle yet. I’m called to be one, and think I perfer rather to always be one called to be one rather than a person who has attained it. Keeps ya humble and honest.

Last, is the verse that carried me to 2 Timothy. …set apart for the Gospel.

This hit me hard. I realized in order to be all these things I’ve blabbered on about above, then I can not allow myself to be just another ‘preacher’. This is a high calling. We are to reach into the hurting world and set people on THE ROCK. Therefore, I must be SET APART for the Gospel. I can not just be, but I must pull away, and let God make me different from all those around me. I have been called and chosen, not it’s time to prepare myself in the Lord so that I am not a worker ashamed or worse, I don’t make our Lord ashamed he called me.

So now, as I head to talk with the Lord, I realize that there is a new SETTING APART required. If I don’t I’ll die without fulfilling the job he has given me to finish. I’ll stand in front of Him ashamed at my selfish fleshly life. I could wind up in the very religious circles that make me want to vomit.

“So how do I get Set Apart?” I asked the Lord. “Now I know how far I am from what I need to be; now what?”

“TIMOTHY,” says the Still Small Voice.

The seeking continues. This is taking some pushing.I expect some pain will come soon as I am forced to push through being honest with myself. It’s so easy to lie to me. Lord help me.

“Push Dustan, you slave of Christ, called to be an apostle, set apart for the Gospel of God! Push through the pain!”

Expect some growls and grunts soon. Thanks for sharing this journey with me. I hope on the other side of this pass, we’ll both be better.

2 Timothy 2:20-25 (New International Version)

²⁰In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble. ²¹If a man cleanses himself from the latter, he will be an instrument for noble purposes, made holy, useful to the Master and prepared to do any good work.

²²Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart. ²³Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. ²⁴And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. ²⁵Those who oppose him he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth,

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